Single Amnesiac Looking For Love
by The Essential Word
Summary: Kyle may be the town's ladies man but Max has an idea to try to steal that status away. ONE-SHOT. Meant only to amuse.


Single Amnesiac looking for love

This story is the epitome of a silly one-shot written for no other reason that to be funny. So, here it is. It's before Kyle marries and has a child. For the sake of comedy, characters may not be one-hundred percent what they are in the game. Enjoy and review, please.

Kyle. What was there to say about Kyle?

He was rated sexiest amnesiac ever, constantly busy, always watching the request board and paying special attention to the female names. He farmed sometimes, fought sometimes, flirted the other half of the time and lived it up. His favorite season was winter; when he didn't have to tend crops, he could tend to girls.

The girls would always get all giggly whenever he came around. Usually he'd say something like "I have no memories!" and they'd say "Oh! We'll take care of you!"

And he was a complete bastard.

At one point the town had been a single straight male's dream, as it was just brimming with pretty single females. There was never much competition. And then came Kyle. Kyle.

It was like a storm. Kyle was new and shiny and so the girls flocked to him. It was only made worse by Kyle's constant deluge of gifts bought from what must've been an infinite money supply

The young men in town—they being Max, Jake, Ray and Barrett—suspected Kyle faked amnesia.

The suspicion was only confirmed when they watched Kyle in action.

"Dorothy! Why are you hanging out in the park," Kyle said as he slid up beside her.

"K-kyle," she replied. "W-what do you—are you—um, hi!"

"Here's your locket!" He drew it from his pocket. Like a true playa he made sure to set it in her hand all gentle and slow-like. It was very, very annoying to Barrett who was debating on clubbing Kyle in the face.

"But I just p-posted the request a few minutes ago…right?"

"Yep! Don't worry. It wasn't too much trouble. You're never, ever too much trouble, Dorothy. Never. You're so little trouble I barely notice the trouble. You're about as much trouble as a feather. A feather. Feathers aren't trouble. You're not. What is trouble anyway? Nothing. Because you are absolutely not too much tr—"

"Don't you have something else to do, Kyle?" Barrett had stomped over with his fists clenched.  
From where he was watching, Ray said, "Maybe we should make sure he doesn't murder Kyle."

"Well, as long as he cleans up the crime scene," said Max.

Jake sneered. "What do you want me to do? I could care less who he kills"

"Quit sneering, Jake," Max said. "It's bad for your health."

They watched more intently as Kyle sort of smiled and said," Nope. Already did it all of it. Now I have all the time in the world to spend with Dorothy."

Dorothy yanked her hood down as low as possible and still failed to hide her blush.

"Get a hobby," said Barrett.

"This is my hobby."

Smug jerk, Barrett thought.  
"And speaking of hobbies," Kyle continued. "I have to run. Bye Dorothy! And don't worry if you lose your locket or anything else again. I'll always get it for you! You're always number one in _my_ mind, Dorothy." He smiled, winked and gave her a thumbs-up.

Barrett was at a lost. How did he do it?! All the ladies, falling over themselves, because—because—oh, who the hell knew why?

"I hate that punk," Barrett said as he returned to the others.

"Who doesn't?" was Jake's only reply.

"The ladies certainly don't." Max sighed. "There's just something charming about him…er, charming to girls. We just can't compete."

"Look, our competition has amnesia. _Amnesia_," Barrett said.

"You'd think it would work against him. But, no, it seems amnesia is an effective seduction tactic." Max looked thoughtful for a moment. "That's it! Let's pretend we have amnesia and then the women will simply adore us instead of him. And then Kyle, without his ladies man status, will become a simple turnip farmer."

"For a turnip farmer he certainly gets around."

"He's like the town bicycle."

"Except he's the town's bicycle that also raises turnips on the side. He's a turnip-y bicycle," said max.

"Well, he has firm abs and a handsome face," Barrett said.

That got only blank stares from all the men.

"What?" Barrett said. "What did I say?"

"Somewhere far away, a million fangirls are using this as inspiration for their next fanfic…I can hear the keyboards clicking…click, click, click…"

"What are you talking about, Max?"

"I don't know. I just felt compelled to say it. As if I was controlled by an outside force…"

Jake did his part to look bored, disgusted and bastardly before walking away.

"Hey, hey!" Max called. "You might want to stay, Jake. We suspect that Kyle will start putting moves on your girl."

"Yes, and unlike you morons, I know how to solve it," he said, stopping for but a moment. "I'll run him through with his own ho and then I'll throw the body into the river."

They watched as he walked away.

"Remind me not to befriend Jake," Barrett said, shaking his head. "Ever."

Max waved it off. "He's missing out on a grand opportunity but no matter. So, who wants to get involved in my plan?"

"Um…Max, nobody's going to believe it if we suddenly pretend to have amnesia," Ray said. "So, no. No, I think it's a horrible idea. Besides I have work to do. Not everyone is as bored and rich as you…See you later, anyway."

Max watched Ray leave in the direction of the clinic.

"Is it just you and me, Barrett?"

"No."

"Come on!"

"It's a dumb idea. I have a life. Go get one. Or buy one or whatever."

As Barrett left, Max wondered whether he really had anywhere else to be.

Sighing, he shook his head and prepared to carry on his plan anyway.

XXX

The first girl Max came across was Alicia. She was standing by the docks, arms crossed, looking bored.

"Want a fortune told?" Her voice was hopeful.

"A fortune? What are you talking about?"

"Come on, Max, you know. I'm a fortune-teller. So, want your fortune told are not?"

"I don't really know where I am. I don't remember anything at all. It's almost as if I've LOST ALL MY MEMORIES."

She looked at him flatly. "What?"

"You heard me. I've LOST ALL MY MEMORIES."

"Lost them where?"

"That doesn't matter. All I know is that you are quite a beautiful sight for my poor, tortured eyes to see. By the way, did I mention I have a tortured soul? AND angst-ridden past?"

She started laughing. "Are you serious? None of that's true…well, except the beautiful part. I _am _quite a sight…But don't think that has me convinced! You're not an amnesiac. But Kyle is…" she sighed wistfully. "He's so handsome."

"Who's Kyle?"

"You are not fooling me. So quit while you still can. Anyway, I'm going to see if I can't get more business in the park. See ya."

She began to walk away.

"Well, if that doesn't convince you, allow me to inform you of my massive fortune!" He held up a bag of coins.

She ran back and snatched it away. "Thanks!" she said. He watched her fast-retreating back.

"Wait, wait. You can't just walk off with my money! You have to take me as well, at least."

"I would, but the money's a lot cuter," She yelled back and then she was out the area and out of sight.

XXX

He saw Mana. He saw Dougless.

He walked away very fast.  
XXX

Yue was in her typical place by the town's exit, humming a foreign tune to herself and waiting for anyone to come by so she could hawk her wares.

"Well, my exotic beauty, could you help me?" He said. "I seem to have lost all my memories…and all my breath! Oh, your eyes are so dark and deep I've even lost the ability to think."

"Yue can cure you!"

"With your love?"

"With a potion! It'll revive your memories, thoughts AND return your breath in no time at all!" She pulled a small vial from her pack. "All for the low, low, low, low, _low _price of one-thousand gold! Or how about this vial!" She pulled out another. "A love potion! It always works! This one is also a thousand but I'll cut you a deal and allow you to buy both for eight payments of two-hundred and fifty dollars! See, cheap! Don't you love it?!"

"Um, no, not really. How much to buy you?"

Her face fell. "Are you implying I'm—I'm _that _type of girl? The type that takes money to do _stuff _for you? A working girl? A streetwalker? I'm offended!"

"No, no, no, it was just a cheap pick-up line! I wasn't implying anything. I, ugh, have stuff I have to do."

"Okay, but how about you buy these potions? I'll give you special deal for simply standing in front of me? I'll even give you a super-special deal for offending me earlier?"

"How about later?"

"I'll give you a discount for breathing!"

"Seriously, no." He walked off, defeated again.

XXX

He sat around at home, brooding over his plan that didn't seem to be working when Cecilia came by with a duster in hand.

"Oh, ouch!" he said as loudly as possible. "I banged my head and remember nothing at all! …as in I'm an amnesiac now!"

"Mm-hm. That's nice. Have I cleaned your room yet, Max?"

"Aren't you listening? I'm an amnesiac."

"I hear you," she said. "And I need to know how messy your room is. If it's not too messy, I'll clean it tomorrow."

"I'm an amnesiac. Isn't that supposed to be an instant sex charm?"

She paused. "Are you sick?"

"You're cramping my style, Ceci."

"Oh, you, I have bigger things to worry about than your style."

He opened the front door, ready to leave.

Jake blocked the doorway. "My Ceci sense tells me you're flirting with her."

"Um, Jake, what's that hammer for?"

"Mess with Ceci again and I'll show you."

"Anyone tell you you're psychotic?"

"Yes."

"Well, as long as you know."

As Jake skulked away he threw glares over his shoulder.

XXX

Max had become increasingly disheartened. He had already gone through the list of all the girls he could think of. What else was he to do?

Then Julia strolled by, looking lovely as she could, in a fashionable skirt and well-ironed shirt. He really didn't think it would work (why, it certainly had failed enough) but he decided to try anyway.

"Oh, it's so good to see a beautiful girl here." He said, running to her. "I seem to have forgotten everything. I know nothing! My, this town is so strange and weird to me. Will you be my guide?"

Julia grinned. "You mean you're an amnesiac now?"

"Why, yes."

She jumped in his arms, and he nearly dropped her in surprise.

"That's so hot!" She said, giggling. "Act like an amnesiac some more."

"I woke up this morning not knowing where I was. And then there was this strange girl claiming to be my sister. I said 'impossible' because we look nothing alike."

"Wow!"

"I also have more money than god."

"Marry me!" She cried and wrapped her arms around his neck.  
"Okay!"

They both laughed.

"So, how many girls has that honestly worked on, Max?"

"Only you, actually."

"Hey, wanna do something that'll freak out Kyle?"

"What?"

"Let's pretend we're getting married!"  
"Great idea!"

Still carrying her in his arms, they went to find Kyle.

"Hi, Kyle!" She exclaimed, waving.

"Max, why are you carrying her around?" Kyle said.

"Kyle," he said with mock-solemnity. "We're getting married."

That stopped Kyle very quickly. "Huh? You and Julia?"

"Sure! Won't it be fun, Julia?"

"I think so," she replied.

"Have you two been drinking?"

"Only drinking from the fountain of our love!" Max said, but then he cracked up into chuckles.

"We're just joking," she said. "We're not getting married. But you should have seen the expression on your face."

"Thank god." And Kyle really did look visibly relieved. "You had me going there for a second. There's just something about the idea of you two procreating...Well, thank god there's no chance of that."

Kyle laughed at that last part as he walked past them towards his farm.

"By the way, Julia, my arms sort of hurt from all this carrying you around…"

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

"No!"  
"Yes, you are!"

"No, I'm not! Can I please let you down?"

"Nope. As punishment you'll have to carry me for the rest of your life."

"Ugh. Maybe we should go ahead and get married. We're already arguing like old married people."

"Now you're saying I'm old!"

"What?!"

It was a beginning of a beautiful relationship.

XXX

Hope you enjoyed it!


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